Empower Yourself by Listening
A lesson taught by a 13-year-old
“Remove judgement and turn those listening ears on. You may be surprised at how much you actually learn about a person when you stop judging them.”
I was reminded of this by my 13-year-old daughter. She told me that when she tries to share her feelings, I often cut her off and begin talking. Therefore, she shuts down and doesn’t feel compelled to tell me how she truly feels. Hearing that hurt my feelings. It felt like a bee sting penetrating my heart. I thought I was listening to her, but I realized I was giving more feedback and questioning her actions rather than learning about my daughter. Listening would have allowed me to understand her choices and thought process. Then, I could proceed with questions or feedback.
I wanted to do better for my daughter. So, I made a conscious effort to ask her questions and listen, without saying a word. That gesture did a 180 for our relationship. Her typical one-word responses to a question such as, “How was your day?” transitioned to a full-length storyline of her day. Her willingness to open up to me is a gift. I cherish it!
Hearing her criticism was hurtful, but more so to my ego. Yet, the experience was eye opening, and later filled my soul with joy.
Three things have blossomed from this pivotal moment. One, our bond has strengthened, and she shares things with me that she normally would feel uncomfortable speaking about. Two, it’s opened the door for our connection to grow. Our discussions allow her to see that I was her age once upon a time, and she’s learning that we share similar experiences. Thus, she feels less alone. Lastly, I’ve blossomed. I showed myself that I am still willing to learn from my mistakes, and work consistently to become better.
REFLECTION
I have moments when I wonder if the older adults in my family took the time to listen to one another, would they have better relationships with their siblings and children today? My answer is yes! Practicing a simple soft skill could have unified my family. Broken relationships could have been prevented or fixed, and maybe we would be closer today. Many of my elders are still alive, but they are set in their ways. So, I look at it as, “what’s done has been done.” Now, it’s up to my generation to acknowledge, accept, and be better!
We cannot rely on our previous generation for change. But we can rely on ourselves to be the change. I know it’s easier said than done but start off with listening. Listen with your heart. Let go of being reactive and see where that takes you.
Can you relate to any part of this story? Do you consider yourself a good listener? I’d love to read your comments.
