Sweeping the Dust Out of Your Life Isn’t Easy, But It’s Time! Start with 3 Easy Steps!
My dust has left me stricken by worries and uncertainties. At times, I worry about my future, and other times I worry about whether the choices I make will cause a negative uproar in my children’s life. When something is on my mind, I find it hard to sleep throughout the night. I will go to sleep and be asleep for several hours, and then I’m awake for several hours. It seems to be a pattern at this time in my life. But I don’t accept it. I yearn to reconnect with that peaceful place in my mind. I needed a release from my wandering thoughts. An outlet that allowed me the freedom to be vulnerable.
Thus, BreatheThrough was formed. I decided that I need to share. Share my thoughts, ideas, pain, past, present, future all here on BreatheThrough. I created this safe space as a way to share my stories and connect with readers like you. People that may have experienced emotional trauma but refuse to let it define them. People that understand life is a journey and with effort, faith, and belief they have the power to achieve whatever they want. This space is about understanding, connection and enlightenment.
CLEARING THE DUST
My dissolved marriage is a heavy dust ball, and at times, I feel like it grows. It’s heaviness and thickness surround me, and at times, overwhelm me. Yet, I made a choice to move forward gracefully and tapping into my creative side allows me to do that. Writing and art helps me remain grounded. But I didn’t always rely on creative arts as a form of therapy; however, my divorce forced me to no longer be a spectator and to fully take control of my life.
“Giving yourself compassion is the best gift you can give to yourself.”
As I understand myself more, my life becomes easier. I handle adversities with calmness and that peaceful feeling continues to grow as my understanding expands. I am learning to do things with ease and how to scrub one dusty spot at a time. Giving yourself compassion is the best gift you can give to yourself. Compassion is like a blanket; it keeps me warm and lets me know that it’s okay to feel. I allow myself to feel the emotions that comes with making mistakes and crossing milestones.
LEADING TO A CROSSROAD
Not too long ago my chaotic marriage was the hot topic of conversation. It made me angry, sad, and uneasy. I struggled with many sleepless nights and suffered from loss of appetite. The disparities of my marriage were passed around like the old school telephone game. Facts became twisted tales and the truth diluted. I watched it unfold and shared my truth and pain with a select few. At that time, I didn’t have the energy to defend myself to a community of people looking to be entertained. My life was not a soap opera even though it felt like one.
In my mind, the most important thing was to keep it together for my daughters. They needed calm waters especially when their lives were already affected due to Covid. Like many children, their lives went from everyday interaction with friends and family to solitude. They were handling it well and the last thing I wanted to do was disrupt that with the emotional rollercoaster within me. So, I did my best to hold it together. I continued to do all the things necessary to run a household smoothly. Yet, I was dying inside. I faced slander and humiliation daily and felt like a prisoner nightly.
“Cleaning the dust, encourages me to self-reflect and honor my true feelings.”
But that has changed. I am in my own place and gratefully my own space. I am cleaning the dust of what was and building to what will be. Cleaning the dust, encourages me to self-reflect and honor my true feelings. I made a choice in my marriage that turned the tides. It uprooted scarecrows, skeletons, many suppressed and neglected emotions. I caused hurt, and it hurt like hell to face it all. It was ugly, but looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. It was necessary to get to where I am now. I found strength within me that I hadn’t seen in years. It sparked courage within me that I didn’t know I have. I’ve heard people say, “you never know what you are capable of until your back is up against the wall.” I thought I understood that statement and in a sense I did, but it was from an empathetic standpoint.
STARTING FROM THE GRASSROOTS
Now, I understand that statement at its core because I chose me and walked away from a partnership where economic stability and comfort made my life easier. I made a choice to risk it all when I had very little for myself outside of being a mother and wife. I am starting from the grassroots and rebuilding my life in a way that is satisfying for me. It is hard and at times my belief in myself is challenged. My thoughts become like a ping pong ball bouncing between, “can I do this, I hate life, what should I do?” My thoughts swallow me up. Thankfully, I have a solid foundation of family and friends I talk to. They listen to my complaints, worries, fears, insecurities, and all out craziness. But they are also there for my breakthroughs and triumphs. I am truly grateful that I have safe people in my life. I can be vulnerable around them.
Vulnerability is something I am learning. My vulnerability reminds me that I am a human being rather than a stoic machine. I find comfort in being able to express myself in ways I normally wouldn’t. It’s opened up a deeper level of connection with people than ever before. It has slowed me down, but not negatively. I take time to think about how I feel and why something made me feel happy, sad, or frustrated. This is different and uncomfortable, but I am finding comfort in my discomfort. In all, I can see and feel that I am becoming who I am meant to be.
THREE THINGS TO MASTER
Taking things with ease and giving myself compassion are essential. These are two ingredients to my recipe. We all have dust that needs cleaning, and some have more than others. I share this with you because I’ve spent so much time holding on to my dust and not allowing myself an outwardly form of expression. But it is time to release, and in my process, I hope that my stories touch you and encourage you to START CLEANING! 😊
❤ Note to You ❤
Approach each day with ease. Take time to understand yourself with compassion. Allow yourself to get lost in an outlet that brings your mind freedom and joy.
