Tales of a Quitter
I wanted to quit this blog. Yes, already I came up with some reasonable justifications to walk away from this blog. I felt like it would be too much for me to do when I am working hard to consistently make art. Plus, I am a mom of two girls and managing my home on my own. So, hmmm, maybe those are good reasons. But they aren’t strong enough for me to quit.
Not anymore!
Maybe a year ago when I had the mild comfort of marriage. My duties and responsibilities were already outlined for me. That became boring and unfruitful, so here I am. Putting it all on the line to see if creating art from trash, aka recycled materials, will be my saving grace.
Quitting is so easy to do. I’ve done it so many times. I’ve let the pressure get to me, lack of faith in the process, and unfortunately, lack of belief in myself. For some reason, getting a job was so much easier. Everything was outlined for me. I was told when to show up, what to wear, what to do, and most importantly, how much I was getting paid. No brainer! Sign me up, I don’t have to think for myself! Hence, I continued to tell myself that my job is the reason why I didn’t bother trying to make it as an entrepreneur. That lie didn’t stick though, and overtime I became miserable because I wanted more for myself.
So, I bounced and bounced from job to job all while drafting business plans of ideas I wanted to do on the side. Yet, I lacked commitment.
I wanted the results now!
But as an artist, I realize that there is a process. Yet, my expectations don’t always meet that process. My expectations are at the finish line waiting for the process to catch up. That’s why I always used to quit. I didn’t understand that there is a process in all things.
It is quite cliche to say, but “diving into the process” is what needed to be done. When I find myself thinking of the finish line, I remind myself to come back to what I am doing now. It’s not easy. I find it rather uncomfortable at times, but because of this, I understand myself more than I ever have.
